The Late Night Phone Call
The phone rang in the middle of the night, it was my mom, “I’m at the hospital with Grandma, she probably won’t make it to morning. Do you want to say anything to her?” She put the phone up to my grandma’s ear, but I didn’t know what to say. Because death has never frightened me much, I had faith she’d soon begin another journey. In that moment, words completely eluded me. I awkwardly said, “it’s okay, Grandma, we’re all fine. I love you, I always have.” No goodbye, no conclusion.
Remembering Grandma
About a week later our giant family was sitting in the parish hall, sharing memories about our family matriarch. I shared a memory about walking into her house to her greeting me with, “In the doghouse, again?” Her house was my refuge from the many spats I had with my mom. Grandma and I didn’t chat much, I would go soak in the hot tub until she’d ask, “are you a raisin?” Then I would quietly wander to “my” room in the basement. In the morning, after breakfast, I’d ready myself to go back home. I always said, “thank you,” as I walked out the door; to which she’d usually reply, “uh huh.” No goodbye, no conclusion.
I never doubted my grandma’s love for me, but I often wondered why our comings and goings felt so awkward. I thought maybe she was just that way with me. At the memorial, after everyone shared their memories of her, my uncle Sam stepped up to say a few more words. I can’t remember exactly what he said but at the end of his tribute, he recalled how she spoke to everyone on the phone. He stated with pride, “in the words of my mom, ‘alright’ CLICK.” No goodbye, no conclusion. Everyone in the parish hall burst into joyous laughter. I guess awkward endings were just her way.
Why I Hesitated to Start a Blog
For years, and I mean, YEARS, I’ve thought about starting a blog. At one time, during the height of “mom blogs,” I had a website called “This Mama.” I made a few posts, but ultimately recoiled with fear of rejection. This is a theme I feel will run through most of my posts. I was embarrassed to put myself out there. Worse, my writing has always suffered from one giant weakness: I never know how to end things.
In high school speech, my teacher directed us to state, “In conclusion” at the end of our speeches. We were taught that this is a signal that what we are presenting is about to end. As I progressed through college, I learned that this is truly a subpar signpost to an ending. In fact, I distinctly recall a professor calling this “amateur.” In grad school, professors even considered “thank you” a weak way to end a presentation. One MUST have a strong conclusion in grad school.
The Problem With Conclusions
I never did retain, or perhaps no one ever actually knew, HOW to create a strong ending. As I completed my master’s thesis (a tale for another time) my thesis chair, who was unhappy with my conclusion angrily stated, “Write it EXACTLY like this.” I, being desperate for my degree, did as he said….and I hate that ending, it doesn’t convey what I wanted to say at all.
I love to write, and there is so much a want to say. Even though I don’t think it is something people HAVE to hear or see, I believe that storytelling is a celebration of life, and we are lucky to have it. I hope that in creating this blog, I can not only work up the courage to put my work out in the world, but also master the art of the conclusion. Until that time, however, I ask for your grace and forgiveness, if I conclude some of my passages, in the same awkward way my grandma ended her conversations………”alright”……CLICK!
